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Weighted In Injustice

Posted by Kyle Sundgren on November 23, 2015

I finally got the results from my weight loss contest that was being held at work. I legitimately didn’t get first place (although I cry conspiracy since the guy taking down all our numbers turned out to be the winner!). For the grand prize they split it up between male and female. To my surprise they did not do this for the 2nd and 3rd prize. The 2nd prize went to a male that lost the same amount of weight that I did and 3rd prize went to a female that lost WAY less than I did. I should have tied for second or had 3rd place all to myself!

I’m thinking they gave third prize to the next highest ranking female so as to keep things even between the number of male and female winners. Bunch of bullshit. There’s a chance I’m remembering my starting weight incorrectly and I didn’t lose as much as I think I did, but there’s no way I remembered it so wrong that I shouldn’t at least have third place all to myself. I am fairly certain I lost 19.5 pounds so far which would tie me for second. The person that got third lost 12. There’s just no way I lost less than 12 pounds and have a terrible memory.

If you didn’t see my post on Friday I was supposed to hear the results last Friday at 4 PM. When that time rolled around it was announced they would hold off until the following Monday so that HR could be involved in announcing the winners. I’m quite certain that if I wasn’t involved in the contest that there would be no need to wait through the weekend. Ahhh! I’m angry! I better at least get an explanation from somebody.

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Hurry Up And Weight

Posted by Kyle Sundgren on November 17, 2015

Last night I did a sleep study. One factor in what got the ball rolling on my health kick was a physical exam I took back over summer. I was a heavier man then and have been told I snore by more than one person. Couple that with the sleepwalking phase (that has since stopped on it’s own) I went through around then and it made all the sense in the world to do a sleep study.

For a recommendation made in July it took all the way to yesterday to get the damn appointment. I sleep horribly as it is when I’m forced to sleep in a new place so I was a little anxious about adding the fact that someone would be watching me the whole time and I’d have a bunch of wires strapped to me. Oh, and they asked me to show up at 8:30 PM; a time I’ve not fallen asleep at in well over a decade. AND when I arrived I found out they would prefer I sleep on my back, which is not my preferred sleep position.

But it had to be done. Luckily they did say they’d give me an Ambien when I arrived. Sure enough right after I got there I popped the pill. It took a friggin hour to get all the cables attached to me! They stuck to my legs, chest, face, neck, hair, and in my nose. When that was all done the technician explained to me that the protocol was that if I stopped breathing 10 or more times he would wake me up and attach a CPAP machine to me. Before he left the room he let me test out the machine with both the nose and mouth breathing apparatus’. I was both impressed by it’s capabilities and baffled as to how this barbaric behemoth was the best we could come up with in 2015!

Finally he leaves the room and he tells me I can watch the TV in my room or read. No rush to fall asleep. I channel surf for a half hour then attempt to sleep.

It was far from a restful sleep. I woke up many times. It was one of those sleeps where you don’t realize that you have fallen asleep so it feels like you’ve just been lying awake for numerous hours. At one point the technician came on the intercom in my room and asked me to try to sleep on my back. I had inadvertently turned on my side. I switched over to my back and about a half hour later he came on the intercom again to tell me I was free to return to my side since I obviously wasn’t going to be falling asleep in that position.

He woke me up the final time at around 4:45 AM. To my surprise he didn’t need to attach the CPAP machine to me. That’s almost certainly due to me not getting a deep sleep, but I’d like to think my improved health had something to do with it too. He did say despite no apnea problems I was snoring, which we all know comes with a litany of concerns. His unofficial diagnosis, since he wasn’t THE sleep doctor I originally saw, was that my doctor will probably want to focus on calming my legs down (apparently I was doing a lot of kicking in my sleep. Not the first time I’ve been told I do this) before tackling any possible breathing issues. I’m no doctor (did you know this?) but that makes sense to me. Despite snoring I don’t suffer from being overly tired during the day like friends and relatives I know who have been prescribed a CPAP machine to sleep with. Perhaps continued consistent exercise will be the eventual solution to my sleep honking. Doesn’t this make you want to sleep with me?

Speaking of weight loss, this is the big weigh in week! If you don’t remember I signed up for a weight loss contest at my work. It was a $10 buy in and the winner got all the money. There turned out to be an overwhelming response so it was divided into male and female participants, the prize money was increased, and prizes will be given for 2nd and 3rd place as well. The top prize is $500! Second prize is $100 and third gets $50. Who am I to turn down $100 or $50, but that’s a huge decline from first place. I’m told each place comes with some extra chachkies as well.

Everyone that entered weighed in when the contest started back in August and the deadline for final weigh in is this Friday by 3PM. Understandably everyone is waiting as long as possible to do the final scale visit. Personally I’m not scheduled to work on Friday (and I’m not about to drive all the way to San Jose just to step on a scale!). I am scheduled Thursday, but not until 7PM. I’d have an entire day’s worth of food and drink in me by that time. I’m very seriously leaning toward submitting my final weight tomorrow (Wednesday) morning. My shift starts at 8AM. I was thinking of leaving a little earlier from my house and not eating or drinking anything and weighing in as soon as I arrive at work. Then once I’m officially on the board go and get some breakfast before starting my work day. It might be wishful thinking though. With the traffic that will be going at that hour it could take as long as two hours just to get to work. Doing that without any food or caffeine in me so early in the morning could prove rage-inducing and not to mention dangerous. I thought about having just a 5 Hour Energy to get me through the drive, but having one of those on an empty stomach is just plain dreadful (and will most likely lead to me pulling over to the first food establishment I see and ordering the largest pile of lard I can get my hands on to quell the intense jitters I would be having. We’ll see what I decide.

As far as my odds of winning, I think I have an OK chance. If I remembered my starting weight correctly I should be down about 20lbs. If I were to be honest with myself I think first place might be a long shot. I don’t know every guy that entered the contest, but the few I do give me reason to worry. One guy in particular I think is a near-lock for the top prize. I could see myself getting 2nd or 3rd though. Honestly a runner up prize would be more of a point of pride, where as the top prize would be like, “Fuck yeah! I’m gonna buy some stuff I don’t need!”. Oh, and unlike previous workout programs I’ve done that had a finish line/goal I have no desire to stop working out. I’m actually enjoying it and seeing the results (I have muscles! Whoa!). There are only like two or three lifts/exercises that I despise (fuck you, dead lifts!). Plus it’s done wonders for my social life. On top of getting to see Mike 3-5 times a week Mariah recently joined our workout routine and she’s pretty goddamn awesome. Plus there are other regulars at the gym I’m comfortable nodding to and talking football with on occasion (they’re 50somethings that thought I was absolutely hilarious when I said I should start at QB for the 49ers over Kaepernick. Not my best joke, but you would have sworn Richard Pryor came back from the dead by the way they laughed at it! Good guys!). If I could just stop occasionally being a dingaling about certain things life would be pretty near-perfect!

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Protected: You Should See Polythene Pam

Posted by Kyle Sundgren on October 25, 2015

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Remember Blogs?

Posted by Kyle Sundgren on October 5, 2015

-I love how football allows us to be a pretend racists. To me the Aryan race consists of 49ers and their fans. I’m kind of a more tolerant racist though. I think as long as you stay where you belong and you don’t try to influence my kids with your gross lifestyle we’ll be fine. I know I’ve said it before, but if you come from the city (or somewhere close by) that one of my rival teams comes from, I think you should like that team. I honestly would think someone who grew up in Wisconsin would be weird if they were a 49er fan. Which is why I continue to be baffled by the plethora of Packer fans in California. No doubt in my mind less than 5% of them have ever actually set foot in the state of Wisconsin. They are the GREEN BAY Packers, not just, “The Packers”. Go back to where you came from (or most likely didn’t come from!). Here’s a true story; the other day I saw a couple walking down the street holding hands. One was wearing a Raider jersey and the other was wearing a Niner jersey. My immediate thought in my head was, “That’s just wrong.” Then I laughed to myself because that’s the exact thought a real racist has in their head when they see a mixed race couple together. Of course there is nothing truly wrong with a 49er and Raider fan dating, but it is fun to tap into that neanderthal part of my brain that’s been planted there over billions of years of evolution.

-Here are some things I just don’t feel like looking up. I don’t really know what Bankruptcy is. I know it’s usually a bad thing, but sometimes it’s good? A company can declare bankruptcy and then still be a company that makes money? I think? Something to do with their debt? I dunno. I’m not sure I completely understand what Dogma is. Perhaps I do know what it is, but I’ve never had my thoughts confirmed. I’ve looked up at least twice what a red herring is and yet I’ve forgotten and still am pretty much at a loss as to what it means or refers to. Don’t feel obligated to tell me what any of these things are. I’m not asking. Although I won’t discourage you if you really want to. I know there are other things that fall into this category, but these are the ones I can think of right now.

-Why don’t I want to watch John Carpenter’s “The Thing”? I’ve never ever heard anything close to a negative review of it. You all know how much I love the original “Halloween”. Carpenter’s work on that movie is among the best in history of cinema. For this reason I’ve watched other movies of his expecting to love them just as much. I was bored tremendously by, “The Fog” (except for the last two minutes, THAT was badass!). “Escape From New York” and “The Prince of Darkness” never got a complete viewing from me due to boredom. I’ve never seen, “Assault on Precinct 13” or, “They Live”, but I kind of want to. “The Thing” though…I just don’t know why I can’t get myself to watch it. Almost across the board everyone calls it his other classic after, “Halloween”. When people find out how much I like classic horror movies but that I’ve not seen, “The Thing” think I’m in fact a giant dum dum. Every October I tell myself this is the year that I’m going to watch it. A few nights ago I got it in the mail from Netflix and watched maybe 20 minutes before turning it off. To be fair my dog was driving me crazy and I wasn’t giving it my full attention, but if it interested me more there wouldn’t be those problems. I just can’t put my finger on it.

-Do you remember love? I ask this because I know at all times you are going through the exact emotional journey I am. I used to go all crazy for it! I wonder what happened to stop my love affair with love. The other day I remembered a blog I wrote back in 2009. It detailed the series of events that went down when at work we had an unexpected break and I was going to get an opportunity to talk to the cute girl at work. First of all, I knew then that she had a boyfriend. Second, her and I were friendly but to say we were anything more than work acquaintances would be a leap. Yet I was so freaking NERVOUS about standing in her presence and even worse possibly talking to her. I was actually dreading an opportunity to talk with someone I found attractive. That seems so far away from how I currently am with my thoughts on attractive women. Current me would love a situation like that. But also, current me wouldn’t put much weight in a situation where I’d be talking with a girl that had a boyfriend.

I recently joined a co-ed softball league a friend started up. Every one of the ladies on the team is way hot! Old me would both be over the top nervous about being near them but also head over heels in love with them. It’s nice to know that I can simply participate in conversation or crack jokes with them and the rest of the team and not be concerned with collapsing due to an aneurysm.

All the same though, maybe that’s what I need in my life. I’ve not felt any real interest in a lady in over a year now. Sure I’ve moved to a new part of the state and started a new job, but the amount of exposure I get to ladies has stayed about the same if not slightly increased. I’m sure this can all be chalked up to maturing and learning from past experiences, but I don’t want it to be that simple. I did have some RIDICULOUS crushes over the years. Most of them had boyfriends or husbands and yet my devotion to them was on par with a perfect soulmate. I’ve learned to take the news of an attractive woman having a bf/husband as a sign to not get attached. Part of me fears I’ve subconsciously given up on love. I never thought I’d accept that I’d never have kids, and now I’m kinda content that it just won’t happen. I’m not all that bothered by it. Will it just be a matter of time before I feel the same way about a serious relationship and marriage? Basically what I’m saying is my confidence around women is at a personal all-time high, but my drive is at a personal low. This kind of is prime time for me. The second round for women my age is in full swing. The divorce paper ink has dried and some have even entered marriage number two. I’ve not given up yet, but I’m alarmed at how little I think about it.

-The 49ers are terrible.

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Posted by Kyle Sundgren on September 27, 2015

Yesterday sure was glorious. It was a much needed day of relaxation for our family. I, experiencing the least amount of stress and anguish, just got done with a bear of a work week. At the hotel there was a dinner from the Sandals travel group that I and many others spent many many hours setting up, working on, then tearing down. Here is a picture of what HALF of the ballroom I set up looked like.


Screens, pipe and drape, and so many damn banners! Just a lot of lifting and going up and down on a scissor lift with and people getting stressed out and turning ugly. That was my work week.

Kent, my older younger brother was recently laid off from the job he’s been at for many years. So technically he had the least amount of work to do going in, but one can understand the shitty situation he’s in. Thomas, the youngest younger brother was recently dumped by his first real girlfriend that he’s been with just over a year. She’s what turns out to be a horrible, selfish person so the breakup was good in the long run, but yeah he’s had a pretty rough couple weeks. As if college wasn’t enough stress to put on someone!

And our parents are just wonderful hard working people that deserve any amount of fun they can get their hands on. Needless to say when there as an opportunity to have us all together having a blast in San Francisco/Oakland for a day we all jumped at it.

The plan was for Tom to come home the night before. In the morning we left Brentwood to pick up Kent on the way to Oakland at his place in Martinez. We parked our car outside the venue where we would be seeing Chris Cornell perform an acoustic show. Then we called an Uber to take us across the bridge to San Francisco to attend Oktoberfest.

The Oktoberfest was held on Pier 48 which is just off of McCovey Cove of AT&T park. What was supposed to be a German festival turned out more to be a gathering of the hipsters. My annoyance at the amount of, “ironic” outfits and spoiled brats disappeared with every beer I had. So many beers. So, so many beers. I know I ate food too, but the emphasis goes on the beers.

Oktoberfest was a blast. It was loud from the large amount of people in the building and the German band playing. They hailed from Chico which is where everyone in the family except for me went to college. All we did was simply drink beer and stand around and talk, but that’s all we needed. It was just fantastic. I got to catch up with my brothers and share laughs with everyone in the family.
I am for sure the shortest of the bunch here, but I promise you I was crouching. I’m not THAT short!
I’m German dancing!
The guy sitting next to me in this pic made the balloon I’m wearing on my head. I asked him if I could take a picture while wearing it and he said I could if I contributed to his college fund. He might have been kidding, but I drunkenly gave him $5, cuz that’s what you do when you’re drunk.

All told we were probably there 3-4 hours. Great times.

After the fest we took another Uber back to Oakland to have dinner. We had planned on going to the newly opened Oakland Tribune Tavern. Here we are outside the front entrance.

Mom, Dad, Kent, Katie (Kent’s girlfriend), Tom, and me. Once again I felt I had to crouch for some dumb reason!

My Mom’s Dad (or Papa to me) passed away when I was two years old. He worked for over 30 years as a photographer for the Oakland Tribune. He’s got some incredible historic photos of people like JFK, RFK, MLK (he loved famous people that were assassinated and were famously known by their initials!), and so so many Bay Area sports stars just to name like 0.5% of his pictures. I would love to share some here, but of course since his pictures were taken in the 1960’s-1980’s they don’t yet exist in digital form. One day they will, and you can bet I’ll post them at that time.

Anyway this tavern that sits at the bottom floor of the building just recently opened up and this would be the first time we came here. Here’s what the outside of the building looks like (I didn’t take this picture). tribune-tower
After we got to our seat my Mom asked the waitress if there was an owner or manager in. She wanted to know if anyone remembered or knew of her Dad and wanted to share her experiences with the Tribune. The owner came over and was very nice. He didn’t remember Papa, but knew some other people that knew him it turns out.

The owner leaves and we soon put in our food order. We sit around a little bit longer and then the owner comes back to our table. He asks us if we’d like to take a tour of the 20th floor observatory! Hell yes we would like to do that! Seconds later we’re on the elevator and he uses his magic key to get us all the way up to the top. And there we were looking out over the Bay Area from the building that my maternal grandfather worked in for three decades! The view was incredible.

Underneath the flag that sits at the very top of the building.
The hands on the clock, from a side view.

He let us stay up there and take pictures as long as we wanted to. I think Papa would be pretty proud if he could see that moment. His daughter with her husband (who he loved), her three sons (two of which he never met) and his grandson’s girlfriend all getting a VIP tour of a building I’m sure he was incredibly proud to be associated with.

After dinner we walked just a few blocks to the theater to see the Chris Cornell show. I was completely blown away at how great it was. It was just him and an acoustic guitar. A guy on Cello played with him on maybe 4 songs, but the rest was just him up there belting out songs like no one’s business! Every song had a new interpretation and arrangement that was refreshing. Much more so that the fact that it was an acoustic version. Here is the setlist from the show.

  1. (Bob Dylan cover) (a rewrite of the Bob Dylanmore )
  2. (Soundgarden song)
  3. (Led Zeppelin cover)
  4. (Audioslave song)
  5. (Audioslave song)
  6. (Audioslave song)
  7. (Soundgarden song)
  8. (Soundgarden song)
  9. (Soundgarden song)
  10. (Audioslave song)
  11. (Prince cover)
  12. (Mad Season cover)
  13. (John Lennon cover)
  14. Encore:
  15. (Soundgarden song)
  16. (Audioslave song)

It was a great day, what else can I say? I love my family and the fun we’re able to have together. Thanks for reading.

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Posted by Kyle Sundgren on August 22, 2015

My work just started a 90 day weight loss competition. $10 buy in and the winner gets all the money and some other prize stuff that the hotel throws in. 2nd and 3rd place also get prizes. I was told there was a total of 27 people that signed up and that the hotel would up the grand prize total to $400. I was one of the entries. It’s about fucking time.

This is the longest stretch in my adult life that I’ve ever gone without attempting any sort of diet or exercise. Easily over two years. I have antidepressants to blame for that. Before I was on them I would often get down on myself for being overweight and would start and stop exercise and diet regimens to mixed results. Since being on them I still see an overweight body staring back at me in the mirror and I’m still aware of the negatives I’d be doing to my body with what I was eating, but I just didn’t care. La la la, eat more food, what are you gonna do about it? I recently had a physical that revealed, to no shock at all, that my cholesterol is too high and so is my body fat.

So I joined the local gym. Today was day two in a row of going. Yesterday I did about 30 minutes of cardio and did a tiny bit of weight lifting. At the moment I don’t know jack shit about proper weight lifting so I’m going to stay away from them for a little bit. Luckily my friend Mike said he would work out with me, and that man knows A LOT about lifting weights. He transformed his body from a skinny bean pole to a hulk of a man and he’s kept it that way for many years now. He’s going on a cruise next week though so I’ll have to wait til he comes back.

Today as soon as I walked in the door of the gym I was greeted by one of the trainer/employees asking me if I was ready for me free fitness assessment. I knew what he was pitching me couldn’t possibly be totally free, but I knew that I need some guidance on what to do and more importantly not to do so I accepted the offer. He sat me down and had me fill out some info about my height, weight, eating habits, workout habits, and goals. Everything he said at this point was again, not too shocking. He then told me to hop on a treadmill and go at a moderate pace for five minutes to warm me up. Five minutes turned into 15, but I was handing it just fine. He then lead me to the…room…with the mirrors and they do classes in there and such. I don’t know what it’s called. He laid down a yoga mat and had me do a whole slew of leg lifting core exercises. Needless to say I was wiped out exhausted pretty quick. With each new workout he had me do I was getting more and more exhausted. I just knew it was going to happen. By the last leg lifting thing he had me do I was flat on the ground sucking in oxygen like I was drowning. It was almost certainly going to happen. I stood up and he lead me out of the room and I walked by a petite woman just starting her workout. She sees me knocking on death’s door and says to me, “Yeah, it’s hard!”.

He then leads me to a weight lifting machine. The one he wants to use is in use so he tells me I get an extended break while we wait for it. As I’m sitting there still sucking oxygen like a broke crackhead sucks cock it is now a sure thing; I’m gonna barf. I tell the trainer I need to go to the bathroom and I think he can see in my face I’m serious and not just looking to stall my workout. I get in the bathroom, crouch in front of the toilet and do a whole lot of dry heaving. Nothing comes up though. I sit on the bathroom floor, which is always pleasant, crouch some more, stand with my entire body weight leaning against the wall. It takes me a good ten minutes of just doing nothing before I’m able to exit the bathroom. I find the trainer and he asks if I’m alright. I tell him I am and can do a little bit more if he’d like. He promptly decides to stop our workout right there. You know you’re extremely out of shape when a guy that gets paid to make people exercise suggests you not exercise.

We go back to his desk and he starts going over their workout and diet plan. This is of course where the no such thing as a free lunch comes in. He’s about a third of the way through his presentation when I have to stop him because once again I’m bordering on barfing. I quickly get up and head right back to the bathroom. I crouch in my same old spot and this time I do barf up all the water I had been drinking. To my surprise despite eating breakfast no food came up. When I finish my recovery, which doesn’t take as long as the first time, I go back to his desk. I announce to him and the trainer sitting next to him, “Good news! I’ve already lost some weight!”, which cracks everyone up. They might be able to school me in anything physical, but when it comes to humor I can run circles around those meat heads!

So he finishes his pitch and gives me all the pricing options and neither of them are in my current budget. It does seem like exactly the type of program I need though. I tell him that perhaps in a month I’ll be making more money and I’ll take them up on the offer to meet with a trainer at least twice a month (which would be $60. Does that seem like a good price?). We shake hands without me spending a penny and I leave the gym. And that’s the story of me throwing up at the gym today.

After only two days of working out though I FEEL fantastic! It’s the identical feeling I had when I first started taking the antidepressants. The pink cloud has returned! Stopping on the way home to get gas I was striking up conversations with everyone I encountered. There was a girl who was two people ahead of me in line inside that I was going to talk to and ask her number. I didn’t end up doing it because she had a boyfriend with her who was waiting at the car she returned to, but I have no doubt in my mind I would have done it if he were there. I was sweaty, unshaven, wearing a white t-shirt that is the opposite of flattering for my current figure, and minutes removed from puking in a public restroom but I felt invincible. I asked the cashier how to pronounce her name and then told her it was a pretty name. I NEVER do that shit! NEVER! I asked another girl about her phone. I love this feeling!

Tonight I’m going to the A’s game. They’re playing Tampa AND it’s Star Wars night with a Star Wars firework show after the game! I’m getting there two hours before the game starts. You better believe I’m striking up conversations with everyone I find interesting, which will be a lot considering the theme for the game.

Do me a favor and check in on my weight loss status now and again. I know it’s easy to be gung ho when you first start anything new. The real results happen with consistency though, so keep tabs on me. Thanks for reading!

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The Colonel And The Secretary

Posted by Kyle Sundgren on August 16, 2015

I think a lot of things about the two leading Democratic contenders to be our next President. If the election were left completely up to me I’d pick Bernie Sanders without thinking twice. That doesn’t mean that I think the man represents a perfect candidate or that I have nothing good to think about Hillary Clinton.

I don’t normally like to listen to or cite Ed Schultz but I caught a clip of him at the top of his radio show recently and he tapped into something I’d been thinking for a while in the Sanders vs. Clinton debate. When you ask Bernie Sanders about anything, he gives you a straight and definitive answer. I can’t recall a time in the past decade that I’ve heard an unfiltered straight answer from Hillary Clinton. Whether it be when she was Senator, Presidential hopeful, or Secretary of State she has mastered the political non-answer. Of course that’s in some ways a good thing. She wouldn’t have been able to rise in the political ranks based solely on her last name. She knows what it takes to get into power. The thing is, I’m tired of it. America is tired of it too. Which makes Bernie Sanders all the more appealing. He stands for things that mean something to Americans who care. It’s not true, but the perception of Hillary Clinton is that the only thing she stands for is wanting to be President with an undying passion.

Of course the thing that worries me about Sanders is, goddamn there is absolutely nothing sexy about him. He’s an old ugly white dude who would look more in place as a Muppet model than a powerful politician. Obama was sexy as hell. Good looking, the kind of guy you want to have a beer with, a father of two beautiful daughters that genuinely love their Father, a husband to a gorgeous and intelligent wife. Plus legitimately supporting and voting for the black guy made my fellow bleeding heart Liberals feel wonderful (admit it!). Man oh man I’m getting hard just thinking about 2008 all over again. Bernie Sanders has none of that. Sure he’ll inspire some far-left boners, but to the general public he’s the caricature we think of to keep us from cumming too soon. Clinton’s got some of the sexy needed.

There’s a lot of talk from economists that say that in their opinion a Sanders Presidency would demolish our economy. I want them to be wrong, but I’ll have to admit I have a feeling they’re more right than wrong.

Let’s pretend the unlikely happens and Donald Trump wins the GOP nomination. We’d have a debate with Trump against Sanders or Clinton. Sanders would no doubt hold his own with facts and logic, but a big bully like Trump would win any sort of public opinion as to who LOOKS more like a President with that head to head comparison. Now, no doubt he would bully Clinton too and she would hold her own against him without any problem. The difference here would be that Hillary Clinton does look like someone who could be President and public opinion would overwhelmingly be a little grossed out by a big ogre of a man bullying a woman.

The older I get the more I realize I’m a pessimist when it comes to the things I care about most. I’ll be voting for either Clinton or Sanders next November. I’m just saying right now I’m feeling not as secure as I’d like to. I suppose having over 15 months ’til election day can only help at this point though!

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Posted by Kyle Sundgren on August 5, 2015

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You bet your bippy

Posted by Kyle Sundgren on June 20, 2015

My life is really quite different than it was mere months ago. Besides the obvious I’ve been genuinely busy. For the past month it seems like I’ve either been working, driving, watching a Warriors game, or sleeping. Often times all of those would happen on the same day. What’s most surprising about it though is that I actually kind of like it. In my past when I would be this busy I would constantly be aching for some time to just veg out in front of my computer or television. Two days ago I had my first day off in a long while where I didn’t have any plans to be out of the house. It was nice to finally have a chance to do laundry and tidy up my room, but after a few hours I was over it.

They say your body/personality/soul/whatever changes completely every seven years. I don’t know how much science is behind this, but I’ve heard it enough to comfortably say that there has to be something to it. No doubt it’s a small evolution and not merely a light switch that gets flicked every seven years and BOOM you’re a different person. This year has got to be a huge leap forward in my evolution as a human. I’m constantly being reminded of things that would have greatly bothered me in my early twenties that now I really don’t give a shit about. Good things though. When I lived in Los Angeles I was there when the Lakers won their most recent championship. Right around the playoffs suddenly it seemed like every car had a Lakers flag flapping in the wind as they drove around. Before the playoffs I maybe saw one flag, now every third car had one. As I’d make my way to work each day I’d just be filled with rage. Fucking LA! Bunch of band wagoners! No one gave a shit about these Lakers until the playoffs, this is NOT the way you do sports. Cut to today and out of nowhere every third car I see has a Warriors flag (this has to be a strategy of the NBA that works really well!). Of course it was the same situation of having seen maybe one flag before the playoffs. It doesn’t bother me at all now. It’s probably helped by the fact that the Warriors are from my neck of the woods and that I too can’t deny jumping on the band wagon (although for the record I was on it a couple months BEFORE the playoffs. I got an early ticket on said wagon!). I have a feeling though that even if I had as much interest in the Warriors as I did when the Lakers were making their run (which was just shy of, “none”) I don’t think the flags would bother me. Every single team in every single sport gets band wagoners when the team gets red hot. That’s just how us humans work. And, for the love of science, it’s just a piece of fabric blowing in the wind. Why would I continue to let that bother me?!

Also I can’t remember things anymore. Names of people and objects in particular. This really frustrates me. Alzheimer’s and Dementia does run in my family which makes it all the more frustrating when I’m taking big pauses to try to recall the name of a baseball player that I otherwise have never forgotten until just now.

There’s no other way to describe most people’s hate for Hillary Clinton than sexism. Of course there are some that hate her only for being a Democrat just as much as they hated Obama for the same reason, but the degree to which a lot of her haters dislike her absolutely stems from her being a powerful female. This doesn’t translate to the Democratic party. I’m sorry if I sound like a douche claiming that my party is better, but it just is. Yes, there are female politicians that I can’t stand like Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, but I would have scorn for any male politician that shares their same narrow-minded backwards thinking. Democrats are all about big Government a regulations (something I’m all for, despite some obvious flaws). That rubs a lot of people the wrong way, understandably, and coming from a woman…boy oh boy does that ruffle some feathers.

Just two weeks ago when I was in my training classroom the instructor made reference to the ’60 Minutes’ interview that Bill and Hillary did as Bill was campaigning for his first term. All of a sudden in the middle of the interview a light came crashing down and narrowly missed hitting Hillary and causing what could have been a VERY serious injury. When the teacher told us about it missing her head the guy sitting next to me very audibly and with no tinge of sarcasm or humor says, “Damn!”. I’m sorry, Democrats don’t do that shit. I don’t want  Bachmann or Palin to experience the pain of a red hot light crashing down on their heads that could easily kill or paralyze them. I have no problem with them being female and in power. I want them to exit politics because their Democratic opponent got more votes than them, not by a freak accident causing them extreme pain. Let them retire to a ranch in Wyoming. I wouldn’t even make a joke about them going through something like this. I’ve gone on record a few times claiming that Hillary is not my first choice to be the Democratic candidate, but I would love to see her win just to piss off the sexists in this country.

I don’t really post on social media anymore. I still check it somewhat regularly to see what everyone is up to. I reply to other people’s stuff and make likes now and again. I just don’t see the point in posting, “At work” all the time.

My brother and I switched cars. I dunno if it will be permanent, but it will be at least for the duration of my time living in Brentwood. His car gets such better gas mileage. I was bleeding dollars before with the Lexus SUV. Truth be told I am filling up just as often, but his tank is so much smaller that I’m spending $25-$35 less each fill up. I’m always surprised at the dollar amount it ends up on when the pump stops. My new car is a Nissan Versa. I forget the year. It’s 6 or 7 years newer than the Lexus I was driving. Despite it being older I do miss some of the features the Lexus had. Maybe it will be mine again some day. This just further proves that I really don’t care much about what car I drive as long as it runs and gets me to where I need to be.

It’s been brought to my attention lately by more than one friend that I need to get better pictures on my online dating profiles. I have too many mirror selfies and shots of me making weird faces. I don’t disagree, but I don’t have many other options. Logic says to do a photo shoot, but that just seems weird and forced. I know that’s the sort of thing I have to do if I want to date someone and I’m just making excuses though.

Speaking of cars I’ve been meaning to look into what it takes to be an Uber driver. I could use the extra money and I like that I would have the flexibility to work on my days off and only during the hours I choose. I know I need to do some research, but does anyone wanna fill me in on the basics?

Ladies be crazier than a box of hotdogs.

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What’ll I Do?

Posted by Kyle Sundgren on May 20, 2015

David Letterman has taped his last show ever. In a mere three hours it will broadcast here on my coast and then that’s it. What’ll I do tomorrow, and the rest of my life without David Letterman? For as long as I’ve existed he’s been on television five nights a week. Tonight absolutely feels like a lifetime friend is dying.

I’ll never forget what made me a fan of Letterman. He was taping a week of shows in Los Angeles some times in the mid-nineties. My entire family was watching the episode and he did a bit where he was driving around in a convertible. He went through a Taco Bell drive-thru and ordered something like 500 tacos. Cut to seconds later Dave’s driving down the street with a car full of tacos. In one shot he’s seen throwing a taco as hard as he can into the open window of the neighboring car. When this happened my Dad absolutely cracked up! I thought it was funny too, but I didn’t know if it was OK to laugh at this. You’re not supposed to throw food out of your car! I was young and still learning about humor. Seeing my Dad react in this way convinced me that this Letterman guy was the real deal. I will follow him for as long as I can. And I have.

David Letterman was important to me. It’s always been so much more than just a chuckle in the evening before bed. He was a goofball from Indiana that won over Hollywood and in doing so won over America. Or at the very least, he won over COOL America. The greatest litmus test to find out if a new person in your life was worth hanging around or not was to find out if they were a Letterman person or a Leno person. I’m not going to say that anyone could host a late-night talk show, say things in a funny tone, and ask celebrities questions, but Jay Leno made it seem like more than half of the population was capable of turning in this bare minimum style of hosting. Dave hosted for the real people simply by being himself. Sure he softened up in his later years, but you could tell he wasn’t taking notes from the network brass about what comedy works and doesn’t work for them.

The one trick I can most consistently rely on when I have doubts in myself is I can be funny. It’s helped me in so many situations. I have no doubt if I never got into watching Letterman that I would be a human being without a well-defined talent. With 100% assurance I can say that I’ve never watched an episode of “The Late Show” and not laughed. Absolutely the show’s writers and producers deserve credit for the show being so funny too, but when it all comes to it those jokes and premises don’t mean shit if a dolt is out there delivering.

Alan Kalter, Dave’s announcer for the past 20 years (who I just found out shares the same birthday as me from looking up his wikipedia!) has me in stitches with his goofiness. He’s got a golden throat and a comical confidence that keeps me hanging around every time he throws to commercial for his absurd one-liners. I loved the remotes Dave would send Biff and Rupert on. And of course Paul Motherfuckin’ Shaffer. He was perfect for Dave. I’m going to miss not hearing his signature cackle and the out-of-left-field questions and statements he’d make in between Dave’s desk pieces.

Dave was a man with integrity too. Every Medal of Honor recipient from the Iraq and Afghanistan wars has been on his show to share their story with the world. Every fleet week the entire audience is completely members of the US Military. After 9/11 Dave was the first talk show host to return to air after the attacks. He’s owned up to his mistakes and apologizes without any hesitation when it is needed. After his open-heart surgery he had the entire medical staff on his show to thank them publicly for saving his life, and he did this every year on the anniversary of his surgery. During the writer’s strike a few years back he paid his ENTIRE staff out of his own pocket the exact same salary they always got. This went on for months too. I have to imagine it cost him over a million dollars but he did so without a single complaint. It was well documented that Leno only started paying his staff when the media got wind of Letterman doing this and asking if he was doing the same.

Now that Leno’s off the air I can say I genuinely have some varying degree of interest in all the remaining late night talk show hosts. I’ll watch them now and again when there’s an interesting guest on, but I don’t see any point in continuing to be an every night late night talk show watcher. They’re all funny, but NONE of them are David Letterman funny. THAT is a fact.

Watch Conan O’Brien give his heart felt goodbye to the man who left such gigantic shoes to fill as his successor to NBC’s “Late Night”.


Try not to get emotional while Jimmy Kimmel bids adieu to his comedy hero

Even Norm Macdonald gets choked up when talking about his love and admiration for David Letterman

He single-handedly changed the boring format that talk shows were turning into. There would be no Jimmy Fallon playing wacky games with celebrities, there would be no masturbating bear on Conan, Jimmy Kimmel would never have a chance to get a large group of celebrities to sing about him fucking Ben Affleck, Craig Ferguson wouldn’t have a venue to do ANYTHING that his show ever did, Stephen Colbert could never ask a Congressman the dumbest questions ever right to their face, and Jon Stewart would never deliver a satirical news story.

And that’s precisely it; David Letterman has always been so much more than just a goofy guy to have some laughs with while he talks to your favorite movie star. He represents true talent. He speaks for all of the underdogs out there. The man sitting behind that desk is exactly what we want to be and is doing it exactly how he wants to do it. Only he’s the only possible person in the entire world who could pull it off so well.

What’ll I do with only memories and old youtube clips to keep me funny? What’ll I do without a reliable good time waiting for me at the close of every weeknight? What’ll I do when my hero is gone forever?

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