-I love how football allows us to be a pretend racists. To me the Aryan race consists of 49ers and their fans. I’m kind of a more tolerant racist though. I think as long as you stay where you belong and you don’t try to influence my kids with your gross lifestyle we’ll be fine. I know I’ve said it before, but if you come from the city (or somewhere close by) that one of my rival teams comes from, I think you should like that team. I honestly would think someone who grew up in Wisconsin would be weird if they were a 49er fan. Which is why I continue to be baffled by the plethora of Packer fans in California. No doubt in my mind less than 5% of them have ever actually set foot in the state of Wisconsin. They are the GREEN BAY Packers, not just, “The Packers”. Go back to where you came from (or most likely didn’t come from!). Here’s a true story; the other day I saw a couple walking down the street holding hands. One was wearing a Raider jersey and the other was wearing a Niner jersey. My immediate thought in my head was, “That’s just wrong.” Then I laughed to myself because that’s the exact thought a real racist has in their head when they see a mixed race couple together. Of course there is nothing truly wrong with a 49er and Raider fan dating, but it is fun to tap into that neanderthal part of my brain that’s been planted there over billions of years of evolution.
-Here are some things I just don’t feel like looking up. I don’t really know what Bankruptcy is. I know it’s usually a bad thing, but sometimes it’s good? A company can declare bankruptcy and then still be a company that makes money? I think? Something to do with their debt? I dunno. I’m not sure I completely understand what Dogma is. Perhaps I do know what it is, but I’ve never had my thoughts confirmed. I’ve looked up at least twice what a red herring is and yet I’ve forgotten and still am pretty much at a loss as to what it means or refers to. Don’t feel obligated to tell me what any of these things are. I’m not asking. Although I won’t discourage you if you really want to. I know there are other things that fall into this category, but these are the ones I can think of right now.
-Why don’t I want to watch John Carpenter’s “The Thing”? I’ve never ever heard anything close to a negative review of it. You all know how much I love the original “Halloween”. Carpenter’s work on that movie is among the best in history of cinema. For this reason I’ve watched other movies of his expecting to love them just as much. I was bored tremendously by, “The Fog” (except for the last two minutes, THAT was badass!). “Escape From New York” and “The Prince of Darkness” never got a complete viewing from me due to boredom. I’ve never seen, “Assault on Precinct 13” or, “They Live”, but I kind of want to. “The Thing” though…I just don’t know why I can’t get myself to watch it. Almost across the board everyone calls it his other classic after, “Halloween”. When people find out how much I like classic horror movies but that I’ve not seen, “The Thing” think I’m in fact a giant dum dum. Every October I tell myself this is the year that I’m going to watch it. A few nights ago I got it in the mail from Netflix and watched maybe 20 minutes before turning it off. To be fair my dog was driving me crazy and I wasn’t giving it my full attention, but if it interested me more there wouldn’t be those problems. I just can’t put my finger on it.
-Do you remember love? I ask this because I know at all times you are going through the exact emotional journey I am. I used to go all crazy for it! I wonder what happened to stop my love affair with love. The other day I remembered a blog I wrote back in 2009. It detailed the series of events that went down when at work we had an unexpected break and I was going to get an opportunity to talk to the cute girl at work. First of all, I knew then that she had a boyfriend. Second, her and I were friendly but to say we were anything more than work acquaintances would be a leap. Yet I was so freaking NERVOUS about standing in her presence and even worse possibly talking to her. I was actually dreading an opportunity to talk with someone I found attractive. That seems so far away from how I currently am with my thoughts on attractive women. Current me would love a situation like that. But also, current me wouldn’t put much weight in a situation where I’d be talking with a girl that had a boyfriend.
I recently joined a co-ed softball league a friend started up. Every one of the ladies on the team is way hot! Old me would both be over the top nervous about being near them but also head over heels in love with them. It’s nice to know that I can simply participate in conversation or crack jokes with them and the rest of the team and not be concerned with collapsing due to an aneurysm.
All the same though, maybe that’s what I need in my life. I’ve not felt any real interest in a lady in over a year now. Sure I’ve moved to a new part of the state and started a new job, but the amount of exposure I get to ladies has stayed about the same if not slightly increased. I’m sure this can all be chalked up to maturing and learning from past experiences, but I don’t want it to be that simple. I did have some RIDICULOUS crushes over the years. Most of them had boyfriends or husbands and yet my devotion to them was on par with a perfect soulmate. I’ve learned to take the news of an attractive woman having a bf/husband as a sign to not get attached. Part of me fears I’ve subconsciously given up on love. I never thought I’d accept that I’d never have kids, and now I’m kinda content that it just won’t happen. I’m not all that bothered by it. Will it just be a matter of time before I feel the same way about a serious relationship and marriage? Basically what I’m saying is my confidence around women is at a personal all-time high, but my drive is at a personal low. This kind of is prime time for me. The second round for women my age is in full swing. The divorce paper ink has dried and some have even entered marriage number two. I’ve not given up yet, but I’m alarmed at how little I think about it.
-The 49ers are terrible.